I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
