It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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