I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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