Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
