is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I wish you could order shots online.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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