The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You can't just leave with hair like that
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
