Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
