Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
