and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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