I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
