I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
