mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
