I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
