Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
