Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
