He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
