its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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