Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
