u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
