It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
