You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
