Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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