community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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