I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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