just come out here and I will go home with you...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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