apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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