I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
