At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
