What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
