I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We need a shit load of segways right now
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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