i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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