it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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