so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
