Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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