idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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