Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
