According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
