Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
