Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
