if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
