Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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