I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
