and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
