So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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