how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
