Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
