What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
