Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
