I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
