If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm sobbing to NWA
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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